The Sound and The Fury

So, here’s the thing: farting...audibly...in public, is generally frowned upon. But, like every rule, there are exceptions. For instance, the first time I went to a yoga class and some one cut it, I had to put my head down to keep from pointing and laughing at this poor jackass who downward-dogged and busted ass at the same time. Yoga causes crazy excretion, so I can hang with the yoga farters. However, other random assholes at the gym who cut it in front of me (a lady, mind you!) can just check theyselves. Case in point: I was working out with the Moustache a couple of Sundays ago, and we were next to this douche bag named Armando (or something equally fruity) who was using the pull-up machine. Now, I’m sure Armando was working hard, but he was also right next to me, and I don’t need to know what his more intimate smells are. It’s not like we’re dating or anything; I shouldn’t have to be exposed to belches/farts/ball-scratching/etc. unless you givin’ me the skins. Armando was definitely NOT givin’ me the skins. But, I digress. Back to the matter at hand, so Armando was pulling himself up on said pull-up machine, and he CUTS ONE…right next to me…and he doesn’t excuse himself or nuthin’! Can you believe that? And, IT WAS SOUND AND FURY! By that, I mean the thing was loud and stinky. Stinky! Right next to me! That’s a gym foul. Moral of the story: put a cork in it if you are in public, especially if there’s people with in a 1.5 foot radius of your ass. You dig?