A gross act of plagiarism, but what the hell

My special pal Readbecca has this gear was of recounting journeys, and I am going to shamelessly steal it for the purpose
of recounting my cross-country adventure last week. So, sit back, relax, and let the magic flow like sweet honey all over your fine ass:

Level of stress at onset of journey: medium, but in a shell-shocked, glazy-eyed kind of way
Number of cats in backseat: 2
Number of pitiful meows that made me feel like a real jerk: 10
Time spent driving through Virginia: damn-near all of it
Number of cell phone calls made to breakup the boredom: 5
Number of conversations with Dallas ex-patriots in Manhattan: 1
Number of showtoons belted out at full volume: 37
Number of Lewis Black CDs listened to: 1/2
Number of Jim Gaffagan CDs listened to: 1
Number of stops for gas: 2, although one was just an excuse to buy candy and pee. I like candy.
Most interesting thing seen while in VA: nothing in VA is that interesting. But, the fall foliage was quite lovely
Level of relief at entering Tennessee: high
Number of McDonalds patronized on day 1: 2
Name of hotel for first night: Residence Inn
Number of hours on the road: 10.25
Best feature of said hotel on day 1: ice cold beer in the lobby
Time Blogda finally got into bed: 11:00 p.m.
Time Blogda woke up for the free breakfast: 8:30 a.m.
Items consumed at said breakfast: eggs, potatoes, 2 muffins, OJ
Number of midgets also eating breakfast: 3
Number of additional midgets seen in parking lot: 1
Fields of cotton passed: 4
Number of signs for the Loretta Lynne Coal Miner's Daughter Museum: 7
Number of signs for the Pearl History Museum: 5
Level of temptation to stop at both museums: high (like your's wouldn't be)
Number of Dairy Queens patronized on day 2: 2
Number of Dairy Kings scoffed at: 1 (I only have room in my heart for one dairy sovereign, and her name be Dairy Queen! Long live the Queen!)
Level of excitement at entering Arkansas: none
Number of scary rubes who eyeballed Blogda at the gas station: 9
Amount that Blogda dislikes Arkansas: titanic
Amount a relief when crossing into Texas: immense
Number of rad electrical storms viewable in the distance: 2
First sign that Blogda wasn't in the Mid Atlantic States no more: Barbecue joints, everywhere
Number of hours on the road for day 2: 10.5
Number of days the journey took: 2
Number of stops at drugstores for Bengay and Thermacare wraps for my aching back and neck: 1
Number of states driven through on said journey: 4 (although, it would be a solid 5 if DC ever got statehood. Taxation without representation bitches!!!
Amount of relief at being back in Big D: partly cloudy, with a chance of sunshine later on in the week.