Guess who's my bitch now?

The Lower Back Extension Machine at Tenley Sport&Health, that's who. Man, I walked up to that machine and read the instructions, all ready to be intimidated. I sits down and adjusts the weight to be about 1/3 the stack, and I test out the machine. "Huh...this is pretty easy", I thinks. So I upped the weight to be about half the stack. Still too easy. I keep adding 20 pounds at a time, until finally, I have the whole stack, and I lift it. I am the fucking man! Ever see that scene in Unbreakable, where Bruce Willis' kid keeps adding weight while Bruce does bench presses...and then Bruce is like, "how much weight was that?", and the kid's like, "all of it." That's how I felt. Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

Ah men...

...they are damn funny sometimes. My pal Wilksey and I have been doing the online dating thing for a while, Wilksey longer than I, and we have had some fantastically bad dates. In the scheme of things Wilksey has the best stories too. Por ejemplo: Wilksey met a dude from craigslist for coffee on Sat. morning. This dude and her have chatted online a bit, and have spoken on the phone (for an hour and a half), so they aren't complete strangers. So, she meets this guy at Starbucks, and immediately discovers he has lied about his height. Now, this is a common lie for men in the Mid Atlantic states. Generally speaking, a man will add 2-3 inches to his height in an effort to appear more macho. It's just a fact. If the dude says he's 5'9", he's lucky to be 5"6. Back to Wilksey's date. He claimed to be 5'8", but even if he grew 3 inches, Holmes ain't gonna be 5'8". Weird lie #1. Throughtout the course of conversation, he claims to have a photographic memory. That's pretty cool, right? I mean, II wish I had one of those...I'd go back to school and get mad degrees cause studying would be uneccessary...cause I'lll remember evrything and stuff. But here's the thing, this dude couldn't remember the simplest things about his and Wilksey's phone conversation. Things like he thought Wilksey had said she has 8 siblings, but she only has 1. Weird lie #2. Lastly, and this is the best, apparently he ate at every resteraunt in Bethesda Maryland, so some jaggoff wrote an article about him 2 years ago. Which is kinda cool, I guess, but instead of just telling Wilksey about this little fun-fact, he gives her a xeroxed copy of the article...and it was autoographed "L., Bon Appetite! Love Ron." THAT'S FUCKED UP!!! One can overlook the shortness and the weird lies about his memory, but what's with the damn autograph? What a freak! God bless online dating.