Funny as balls

So, I watch the odd infomercial here and there, who doesn't? One of the funnier ones I have seen is the Kevin Trudeaux (I think that's how he spells his name) one where he's pushing this book on "natural" cures for diseases and conditions. Basically, he asserts that "they" don;t want us to be healthy and happy, but he has uncovered these secrets to perfect health, and "they" ain't gonna stop him from sharing them with the world...for about 50 bucks a pop. As far as schemes go, it's pretty pedestrian, but I've seen it enough times to appreciate this fantastic little spoof I found on Youtube this afternoon. Check this good shit out: http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZQC1ySK1aVI (yeah, I'm too lazy to post the actual video here, but trust me, this is worth checking out).

This one's for the Star Trek NG fans

Doesn't this dude look exactly like Wesley Crusher...in a fantastically creepy clown sweater? Seriously, that sweater is nuts. Someone probably made it by hand too. Someone with 50 cats and a lot of free time. I wonder what else they make? And where I could obtain for myself these items (scratches head).

I laughed so hard, I hurt my neck

So, I was in a meeting yesterday afternoon, and we were trying to read through this dude's notes on the whiteboard, and it looked like he had written "meet beef cream". In reality, he had written "meet Jeff and crew." But "meet beef cream" was so damn funny, I could not stop laughing. And then, it was so funny that I started pounding my fist on the table, cause I was laughing so hard, and then, I strained something in my neck, cause I was pounding the table too forcefully. But, I was still laughing, so I just cradled my neck with my right hand, and it was all good. God, I'm getting the giggles just thinking about that..."beef cream"...HA!

Urge to kill....falling

Okay, sorry about the angry posting last time, I was really heated when I wrote it. But, after having a week to reflect on things, I'm still a bit peeved, but not angry anymore. So I have that going for me, which is nice.

boy, I sure hate being the bigger man EVERYTIME

About 2 years ago, my gentleman friend and I broke up. We dated for 6 and a half years, and we had been friends for over 6 years before that, so you can imagine that the break-up hit me pretty hard. Especially since I thought this was going to be the dude I was going to marry and have babies with and shit. Especially since he told me repeatedly that he wanted to marry me and that I was "the One" for him. Especially since after we broke-up, he actually said to me "I really wanted to mean it when I said 'you're the One and I want to marry you.'" Especially when he called me, 2 months after dumping me, to tell me he had a new girlfriend, and he wanted my blessing because he was feeling guilty about having a new girlfriend already. Great guy, right? Anyway, I made a conscious decision to NOT badmouth Mr. Wonderful on this blog or on any other forum, because I have been trying to be classy. Well, I am done with that shit.

Last night, one of my best friend turned 30, and his Mom planned this great big, super-fun surprise party for him. Said party was to include: a party bus, beer, a trip an hour north to Tioga TX for BBQ, friends, family, and Mr. Wonderful was going to be there with his new girlfriend. This was going to be quite upsetting to me, as you can imagine, but I decided to screw a smile on my face and join the party. I even made a special point to be extra nice to his girlfriend. So, when I got to the party, I made sure to smile at her, shake her hand, introduce myself, and be cordial. In return, Mr. and Mrs. Wonderful refused to acknowledge me on any level...for 3 hours. Not only did they sit as far away from me as possible on the party bus, Mrs. Wonderful wouldn't even look me in the eye when I said "hi" to her in the ladies room once we got to the BBQ joint in Tioga. And I knew the girl can talk and be social, I saw her being social with everyone else there. So, after dinner, when it was time to take the party bus home, I decided to site across from Mr. and Mrs. Wonderful so I could make small talk with them. I was so fucking cordial, it was painful. I made sure to look at and talk to both of them. I tried to engage Mrs. Wonderful in conversation. I asked her about her dog, and the only thing she condescended to say to me was "he's brown." Then, she pointedly looked out the window, and refused to acknowledge me any more. She also would whisper into Mr. Wonderful's ears from time-to-time, while he and I were in the midst of a conversation about mutual work acquaintances. It was fucked up. I don't think I have ever been so directly snubbed in my life. To top it all off, when we got back to my pal's house, Mr. and Mrs. Wonderful went from person to person, hugging everyone in the group and saying goodbye...everyone except me. They fucking walked out, without even so much as a "nice to see ya", or "see ya in hell!". Seriously...what the fuck?

Here's the thing, Mr. Wonderful and I didn't have a messy break-up, there was no infidelity or abuse, so I expected a modicum of respect from him if/when I saw him in a social situation. Because that;s how I have treated him in those circumstances. What I got last night was unacceptable, rude, childish and fucking disappointing. You mean to tell me you spent 6 and a half years of your life, sharing every intimate act imaginable with me, and you can't even be bothered to treat me like human being? What a dick. And her? Are you fucking kidding me? Is she 12? Are we going to have a fight in Study Hall next week? What a child. Why does it always fall on me to be the bigger person who makes the effort to be nice? Why can't people meet me half-fucking-way? People fucking suck. I hate people. I want some ice cream and a hug. Fucking people. Giving me fucking cravings. I hate people. The end.