Screw You Amber Gosney For Tagging Me...again: Five Things You'd Rather Not Know About Me

Yeah, yeah, yeah...another one these lame "lists about me". I can't help it, if I break the chain, dead puppies will rain down on me from the heavens and no one will ask me to prom or something like that. So, here it goes, 5 things you'd rather not know about me:

1.) I can do a really good creepy, pedophile voice. No, it's true, ask around. I can make your skin crawl with this creepy-creeperson voice, it's a true talent. Normally I use this voice when I'm describing some dude I saw on the bus.

2.) I think goats are really funny.

3.) I love show-tunes. Period. Show-tunes are like sweet, sweet crack rock when I'm on a road trip. I can sing the entire scores of South Pacific, Evita, Oklahoma, A Chorus Line, Les Miserables, Phantom of the Opera, and Aspects of Love. I fucking dare you to test me.

4.) My knowledge of the Simpsons is almost encyclopedic. No, I'm not a shut in, I just likes what I likes...and I likes the Simpsons. Don;t be a hater.

5.) I can make chicken soup from a chicken, which makes me very domestic and highly eligible for marriage. So, line up boys and take a stab at this fine piece of possible wife.

The Tesla

Some dumb-ass named a concept car "the Tesla". No, I'm serious, "the Tesla"...as in the 80's hair metal band who's claim to fame is a cover of the song "Signs". I want some one to be fired for this. In the world on concept cars, names mean a lot. I mean, you're selling the idea of a ride so mind-blowing, it can't even exist yet, so it has to sound impressive. Names like the "Challenger" or the "Nagare" sound pretty bad-ass, right? Damn right they do! Try and pretend you don't want one right now, I dare you. Of course you want one, cause they sound like the kind of car that makes other cars crap themselves with shame. That's what a name should do. From an outside perspective, the formula seems pretty simple here: either appropriate a cool noun that already has street-cred, or just make up a word that has no meaning, but sounds cool. It's so simple...elegant, even. The formula works, so why stray, right? Just do what they always do and you'll get a good result. What you don't do is raid your 35-year old, shut-in cousin's LP collection. A concept car named after a crap hair band? Come one. Some one didn't do their research on this one. Why stop there? Why not introduce the Chrysler "Ratt"? Or the Toyota "Whitesnake"? Nothing's stopping you, take them all! Obviously you haven't got any better ideas...you shameless hacks. Now, some of you out there may be thinking, "but Blogda, the Tesla is also a unit of magnetic flux density equal to the magnitude of the magnetic field vector necessary to produce a force of one newton on a charge of one coulomb moving perpendicular to the direction of the magnetic field vector with a velocity of one meter per second. A dude named Nikola Tesla determined that." To you people I say, "no one else knows that, you geeks!" And don't try and tell me that the car people didn't know they were using borrowed interest with this name. Marketing departments aren't full of engineers, they're full of chaps and lassies like me, and I know who Tesla was...and what America will think when they here that name. And they ain't gonna think of anything but "Signs, signs, everywhere the signs! Do this, don't do that! Can't you read the signs!?" Well, I hope you're proud of yourselves, Tesla creators. No matter how bad-ass your car may be (and trust me, it is bad-ass), half of America will know it's named after a crap hair band who can't even get gigs doing middle school homecoming dances. If I had a rolled-up newspaper, I'd smack you on the nose, cause you've been bad.