Look out DC, my vagina looks boss!

Well, at least that's what my waxer told me. Here's the deal, I'm going on vacation next week, so I decided to book a simple bikini wax for this Sunday, just to neaten up my jazz. It's all about the maintenance, baby. I've done that kind of thing before, so I knew what to expect. I go to the salon, and this nice, older lady named Violet introduces herself as my waxer, or "esthetician" as they like to be called. To me, that's like my job title at the Gap being “Denim Expert", when in reality, I was "Jeans Folder". Anyway, back to business. Now Violet has a very, very thick accent of unknown origin, so I'm only getting about 1/3 of what she's saying. But I smile and nod a lot, so we're getting along just fine. So, she gives me the paper underpants and I show her my special purpose (hopefully there's at least one "Jerk" fan out there who gets that euphemism). She squeals and says "Oh! We're going to haveso much fun!" And I swear to god, she claps a little. I’m getting a bit nervous now, cause the only fun I want to have downstairs doesn’t involve a middle-aged woman with hot wax on a stick. Apparently, "have fun" means she’s going to wax me into next week. Now, I'm not a hairy broad, so it really wasn’t that big a deal, but damn...it hurts! I was very macho and only squeaked a couple of times during the "unpleasantness", and this just made Violet laugh. After one of the squeaks, she goes, "oh...you're so cute!". Yeah…I’m freakin’ adorable here. So, after about 10 minutes, I am done. Violet is pleased. So pleased that she announces that I have a "beautiful area" now, and that my area "looks very sexy". Which is pretty righteous, cause she sees snatch all day long, and if mine looks good, then it must look good. That's like having a gourmand tell you that fried chicekn you just served was beyond compare. Now that my goods is lookin' good, all I need is a nice gentleman to paddle my canoe. Oooo! I’m a spicy bitch!

Boy, I sure don't want to see the new MIP

There's a basic rule in marketing that most people are aware of: if your product sucks, market the hell out of it in hopes to trick enough people into buying/seeing/using it. Movies are a great example. Remeber how anticipated that damn Godzilla remake was? And IT BLEW!!!! A lot. Of goats. With violence. But damn, they did some cool ads for it, so about half the world's population got suckered into wasting 10 bucks to see it opening weekend. With all that being said, damn that new Mission Impossible movie has got to suck. I mean, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting ads for that little turd. That all points to bad medicine, Kemosabe. Maybe Tome Cruise should let the promoting rest a bit and try just being a stay-at-home Dad for a while. And let the missus out of her cage for some fresh air, cause American is concerned about her well-being. Wow...even I feel gross about saying that, and I'm a bitch.