I have an appeal that most find unconventional, but that gas station attendants and lesbian dig. I mean, the best pickup lines that have ever been used on me have been delivered by one of the above. Sometimes Taco Bell employees take a shinin' to the ole Bogda as well, but they have the lamest pick up lines. One time, while driiving through Hillsboro Texas, I stoped at a Taco Bell for a taco (I know, that was a real curve ball, wasn't it?). While I am waiting for said taco, Jackass McGee behind the counter says "that's a really nice sweater". "Thanks" I says in reply. "Did you make it yourself?" How do you respond to that? I mean, it's not like the sweater was bedazzled or covered in puffy paint, it was just a plain, roll-neck, green sweater. I just sort of stared at this idiot while he smiled at me, thinking that maybe he was kidding, but he wasn't. "Uh......no... I bought this sweater...I don't know how to knit." I says. "Oh...well it just looks really good on you...here's your party taco and your Coke." says Mr. Wonderful. "Thanks." I said in reply, then I left. Did you make it yourself? I mean seriously, what an assmonger. Anyway, back to my fan base. Gas station attendants have flirted with me ever since college, one even propositioned me for sex. Of course, I said "no thanks", and I stand by that decision to this day. Cause he was gross. And smelly. And dirty. And like, 20 years older than me. Gross. But my gas-jockeys have consistenly been there to make me feel like a woman, and now I can add pan-handling bums to that list as well. "But Bogda, how did you come to this conclusion?" you may be asking yourself right now. Based on my lunch break, ye of little faith! So, I'm walking to Subway to get me a nice Turkey samich, and some Doritos, and I walk by this round, toothy (but not in a good way) bum, and he starts acting like I'm freakin' Elle McPhereson or something. "Oh honey, you are BEAUTIFUL! Oh my God, good Lord mama! It was worth it to get up this morning just to see you today! You don't have to give me no money por nothin', just seeing you is more than enough...etc, etc." As I was walking off, I told the guy I would be back after lunch with some money for him. So, I goes to Subway, I eats my samich and chips, and I start walking back. For a minute or 2, I think, just walk on the other side of the street, that way you don't have to give him any money. But then I started to thinkin' that if I stood this bum up, maybe he would turn into a mad, spitting-type bum who hassled me everytime I wanted to go West on M street. I was in a tight spot; avoid bum and possible get spit at tomorrow, or go back and give bum money and stay in his good (and probably crazy) graces. I choose to give Toothy some cash. I was back towards the office, and I see my man, all curled up on his empty milk crate with his cup of change. He stands up and comes over to me, all smiling, saying "Hello, Sunshine!" I gave him 2 bucks and said "I told you I would be back, didn't I?" Then he smiled and kissed my hand. What a gentleman. I guess having someone make you feel like the most exquisit creature that walked the Earth is worth 2 bucks, even if he is a bum.
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