Moustache Chronicles

So, about 4 weeks ago, I joined the Washington Sports Club. Sounds fancy, aye? It's the only gym near my apartment, so that's as fancy as I get these days. With my new membership, I got a free session with a person trainer. The guy who sold me the membership, Norman, told me he had someone special for me to meet...just the right trainer for me. I'm thinking, how cool, Norman is lookin' out for ole Bogda. We walk into this office, and there sits a tall, lanky dude with a handlebar MOUSTACH! You know, strip on the top lip, then bam! bam!...down the sides. Good stuff. And then, Norman introduces me to the Moustache, and his name is Chad! Chad?! I can't stand that name! That's a douchbag's name, and you know it. But I figure, this guy is going to be constant entertainment, so who am I to resist? So the Moustache and I talk about what my goals are, and I make an appointment for our first session. So, I show up at the appointed time, and he has a Magnum PI moustache! Hot damn! My trainer has a whole moustache wardrobe, and I get to see it 3 times a week, sweet! The work out is okay, oddly enough; the warm up we did was the hardest part of the whole session. For the last 5 minutes, Chad says he will stretch me out, because I had mentioned how bad my flexibility is. The first stretch we do involves me laying on my back, with one leg straight on the ground, the other leg straight in the air and Chad trying to acquaint my leg in the air with my shoulder. Not gonna happen. The next stretch we do is the same leg in the air, but now it's bent at the knee...so Chad can acquaint said knee with the aforementioned shoulder. Again, not gonna happen. But Chad has this tactic of getting the stretch done: he stretches me for a few seconds, and then has me stress that muscle group out to tire it, so the muscles get more relaxed for the stretch. Good logic, so Chad has my right foot in his hand, and we have just tried to get the ole knee to the shoulder, but we don't get too far. So Chad says, "push against my hand". "Okay" I says, then I push as hard as I can. I knocked Chad down. I mean, completely knocked him over. Turns out, I have freakishly strong haunchs! The same thing happens every time he stretches me. One time, he was stretching me, and he told me to push against his hand, and I knocked him over, and some chick working out nearby said "who's training who here?" And Chad got all embarrassed. And another time, Chad asked for a minute to get ready for my push; he braced himself pretty well, so he didn't get pushed back, but when I stopped pushing, Chad fell forward, almost on top of me. I almost got some play! We have had 5 sessions so far, and he knows what's coming when we do the knee to shoulder stretch, so today...he asked me not to push so hard. Ha! I broke his spirit after 5 sessions! I rule!

Blogda is the Champion!