2 TON BALLS

This past Sunday, I was hanging out at my pal Wilksey's place, and we ordered a lovely pizza from Pappa John's. Said order was placed at 11:45 in the am. At about 12:35, the driver calls the apartment to get directions. Surely the pizza will come soon, I thought. At 1:00, we call the Pappa John's location we ordered from, and are told that the order has not yet left the building. We calmly pointed out that it must be en route, because their driver has already called us to get directions. They say "huh", and promise to call us right back. At 1:15, we call Pappa John's again, and ask calmly to speak with a manager. The manager says he doesn't know where the pizza is, but do we still want it? He then says he has no way of contacting the driver, to which Wilksey calls "bullshit." He says he'll try to contact the guy, then he'll us back. We finally hear back from the guy, and he says the pizza has left the building, and if it doesn't arrive in 15 minutes, it's free. Oh, it's free anyway...bitch! Is what I say...luckily, I am not on the phone at this point. The delivery guy shows about 10 minutes later (now it's 1:30), and he makes Wilksey call the Pappa John's manager again, and the manager graciously offers us 5 bucks off the pizza. Oh hell no! This shit is 2 hours in the coming, and you want to give me some shitty 5 bucks off crap!? Are you high!? Wilksey says no, we aren't paying for it, and makes the driver take the phone and hear this new info from the manager. The driver says okay, and hands over the food. And what happens next, is absolutely astonishing to me...the fucker actually holds out his hand and says "Tip". Not in a questioning way, a demanding, "where is my money bitch!" kind of way. Then he asks again, to which I reply from the top of Wilksey's stairs, "Oh hell no!!!" ON WHAT PLANET DO YOU DESERVE A TIP...JACKASS?! You are and hour and a half late, we've had to call your boss twice...fuck no, you ain't getting' no tip! But now I know why the pizza was and hour and a half late, the drive has 2 ton balls. Cause it takes 2 ton balls to ask for a tip after such shabby and embarrassing work performance.