Poop Grater

I came across this AMAZING article from the Dallas Morning news (see below), and the worl needs to knkow about it. There’s so much right with this article, I can’t stand it. I have spent all day telling my immediate neighbors at work about it, and I’m still not tired of talking about it. I’d like to start with the title of the piece, "Gripes of stench preceded pastry-tainting allegations." Pastry what smells of a mystery stench? Tell me more! Read the article yourself, cause it’s hi-larious, but I'll give you a brief synopsis for the sake of discussion. Apparently, a dude was saving what he crapped…drying it out until it hardened…then GRATED IT…and took the grated crap to the Fiesta (Fiesta is a local chain of Super Markets that cater to our Hispanic brothers and sisters), and sprinkled it liberally on baked goods. All on the sly. This went on for 7 months. 7 months, I tell you! People complained, but they never knew what was causing the poop-smell/taste. Finally, the Poop Grater got sloppy, and they caught him on video tape, “making a deposit” on some bread. So that’s the story in brief, now back to more reasons why this is cool. As I’m reading the article, I get to the part where the prosecutor gives his opening statements…and the prosecutor is a guy I knew in high school! How whippin’ sweet is that?! I know a guy, who knows a guy, who grated crap of his own manufacture, and then sprinkled said crap over baked goods! Holy Shit! And, my high school reunion is coming up in Dallas, so I might actually get to talk to this guy about the Poop Grater. That’s fucking Rock Diesel! “Good God Bogda, how can this get any better?” I says to myself…then it got better. I get to the end of the article, and find that the journalist who penned this most newsworthy story, has the email twyatt@dallasnews.com. This poor bitch’s name is 2 scant letters away from being twat@dallasnews.com. When I think about emailing this guy, I see him as a giant, hairy vagina, sitting at a computer, smoking a cigar. Now that’s good stuff.

By TIM WYATT / The Dallas Morning News

Gripes of stench preceded pastry-tainting allegations

Testimony began Tuesday in the trial of a cabdriver accused of dusting pastries with his dried, grated feces at a Dallas grocery store last summer.
Behrouz Nahidmobarekeh, 49, faces two felony charges of tampering with consumer products in separate incidents in July at the Fiesta Mart at Ross Avenue and Henderson Street.
In his opening statement Tuesday afternoon, prosecutor Taly Haffar told jurors that the store workers went through seven months of customer complaints that unpackaged, fresh-baked goods "smelled and tasted like manure" until the defendant was arrested in late July.
Mr. Nahidmobarekeh pleaded not guilty in state District Judge Vic Cunningham's court. His defense attorney, Clark Birdsall, did not give an opening statement.
While a Dallas County epidemiologist testified about the possible health risks to customers who may have eaten the contaminated cookies, pastries and bread, the state's main evidence so far consisted of two videotapes of incidents on July 13 and July 24.
In those tapes, a man with his back to the camera is shown scattering something over baked goods in the store while other shoppers pass by. No one reacts to the man on the first tape, but employees eventually detect a strong odor coming from a bread bin and begin to clear out the products and begin cleaning up.
A second tape is similar, except that the store's security manager runs down and detains the man later identified by police as Mr. Nahidmobarekeh. Shortly after the suspect is led away, a young boy reaches up and grabs a cookie from the nearby racks.
"It looked like cracked pepper at the time," Albert Bazan, a Fiesta employee, testified. "But it had a real strong odor ... a foul odor."
Dallas police reports state that a hazardous-material team collected samples of the contaminated goods and that authorities alerted the FBI's terrorism task force.
Testimony in the trial resumes today. If convicted, Mr. Nahidmobarekeh could face up to 20 years in prison.

E-mail twyatt@dallasnews.com