So, I was watching the news for the past few nights, and it looks like Old Man Winter dropped his wrinkly old sac right on top of Dallas, and just in time for everyone's holiday parties! And for those of your who know Todd "The Bod" Winters, I'll bet you thought I said Old Man Winters for a minute there, and you thought about Todd's nuts. Your perverts! He's a father now, his tea bagging days are over! Anyway, you'll get no sympathy from me, since most of you probably got a snow day out of the whole deal. Up here in DC, I just get fridgid-ass, 20 degree weather and some dude next to me at the gym letting out crime-against-humanity-style farts. Why is it that every jackass who ate nothing but chili for a week has to use the treadmill next to mine, then bust ass every 7 minutes? Seriously, if you've been eating out of the trashcan and have the bubble guts, don't work out. And certainly don't work out next to Bogda, cause Bogda ain't down with your stink. It's not like the animal kingdom here, pissing on stuff and smelling like poo does not turn us ladies on (well, most of us aren't turned on, there are a few freaky-freaks that are into that sort of thing, and more power to them). While I'm on the subject of turn-ons and turn-offs, here's an open letter to all the women who work out at public gymnasiums and sports clubs: please don't show me your bush. It's not getting me hot. Go ahead and take a shower and all, just be a little more discrete while walking from your locker to the shower stall, that's all I'm asking for. I have seen more bush than most horny 12-year olds with a stack of Dad's Gallerys at this point, and I have officially seen enough. The boys in this email chain might be imagining some sexy-style scene from Porky's here, with nubile young things languidly stretching and brushing each other's hair right before the pillow fight starts. But alas, 'tis not so. It would be one thing if I was getting to see some genuinely great-looking snatch, but every one I see is just plain unfortunate. Old lady snatch, fat lady snatch, boney lady snatch, super big and fluffy, outta control snatch, etc. There's one woman that I work with that use my gym, and now I can't look her in the eye, cause when I see her, I think "I've seen your bush....and it was HUGE!!!" It's hard to respect
someone once you've seen their "special purpose." But, I will say, based on what I've seen over the years, I have an absolutely gorgeous "bathing suit area." It could be in pictures, my friends. Or maybe it's just that I'm remarkably hair-free, or that I have some sense of personal pride. The world may never know, unless it wants to pay the $5.00 cover and see the show.
Nobody get's the $5.00 show for free!
Don't take any wooden nickels,
Love Bogda
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chocolate-covered, freaky and habit-formin'
4 comments:
I so want to tell Todd he made the blog today, but I don't know how he'd feel about all the, you know, lady parts talk. Then again, the first thing I told him this morning was that I made out with some dude in Vegas and I have no idea what the kid's last name was.
Ah Todd, it's about time he made someone's blog. I say send him the link and hope he's taken his heart pills today.
It sounds like you covered every kind of snatch there is.Im crushed, are there more types left to be discovered ?i hope so not for me ,i have a lady but for all those young men out there in thier hunt for the elusive snatch.
Patt is Scottish. They use bad language a lot. I learned that from "Trainspotting."
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