Why does this always happen to me?

For some reason, the past few sets of neighbors I have had, feel the need to construct a bar out of their garage, which, as we all know, is where the cars go. Don't get me wrong, I'm a social-type gal, but I do not want drunk fuckers puking/pissing/buggin' me when I am trying to get some shut-eye. And furthermore, garages are gross. They have oil stains, bad smells and about a million spiders...they are not for socializing. And certainly not for entertaining your guests at 3:00 am on a Tuesday.

The first time this became a problem was when 4 college-looking boys moved in next door. They never closed their garage door, so it didn't take me long to see that they had actually built a bar in the garage. And not a nice one either...a real crappy, built from wood stolen from the Wal-Mart build site down the road type bar. The ambiance was completed with plastic palm trees and some lawn chairs. Which is fine, to each his own, right? The line got crossed when they messed with my peaceful, quite bedtime. Breaking up an impromptu golf game in the parking lot at 3:16 am on a Tuesday is not peaceful. Not in the least. So, after putting up with Delta House and their shenanigans, my patience paid off and the frat boys were booted-out after only 3 months. And man oh man, they must have jacked that place up...there was this huge steam cleaning van parked outside of that apartment for 3 days. "Good riddance to bad rubbish" I thought (yes, I have the internal dialogue of a crabby old man).

That thought lasted about 2 weeks, then the new folks moved in. At first, they were an elusive bunch, but I knew they were in there, because they always play their TV at volume level 11. But, I've only ever seen the lady who lives there, and she's a crusty-lookin'fake blond with grand fake tits and beef jerky for a face (sounds hot, right?). These lovely folks lulled me into a false sense of security for a few days before opening their garage to reveal a bigger, better-financed garage bar, complete with 3 neon beer signs. What the fuck, man? I think they even have astro turf in there too for some reason. And, to be fair, they really haven't been disruptive...yet.

But once bitten, twice shy, right? And seriously, I just don't understand why all my neighbors need a mother freakin' bar next to the room that I sleep in. That's where I sleep for crap's sake! I love sleeping...don't try to fuck me out of some sleep, garage-bar neighbors! Don't make me cut you, garage-bar neighbors! I'll pull a razor outta my titties and I'LL CUT YOU!