Giant pants

All of the closet doors in my place are now off their tracks. I have the uncanny ability to make this happen everywhere I live. If I could figure out how to get the dang things off the track and remove the doors entirely, that would be aces, but I can only managed to get the doors hopelessly stuck. Consequently, I have little to no access to any of my crap that lives in closets. And tons of shit lives in closets in my house. Alright, so the stage is set: location, my place, time of day, 11:30 in the PM. Bogda enters bedroom and curses the doors. She has to get pants from the closet to wear tomorrow, so she has to reach in the dark and grab whatever she can reach, because closet access has been denied. She crosses her fingers, dives in and grabs a pair of khakis that she thinks are her trusty pants from the Gap. Because it's late, and Bogda isn't paying attention, she can't really confirm that these are indeed the pants she intended to grab. She stuffs said pants in a backpack, along with a saucy orange sweater and a brown t-shirt, then goes to sleep. Next day: Bogda wakes up, puts on gym clothes, then heads out. The gym is across the street from Bogda's office, so a quick bus ride is involved. The workout goes smoothly, as does the shower afterward (except that Bogda secretly thinks no one who showers at the gym is actually getting clean, because the women just dash in and dash out...there's no way they have washed all their bits and pieces...which grosses Bogda out a bit). Makeup goes on, hair gets brushed and Bogda reaches for the pants. Shit Fuck Hell Damn! These are not the right pants. Bogda grabbed the biggest pants in the closet that also happen to have the shortest legs, and threw them into the backpack instead of grabbing the aforementioned trusty Gap khakis. Bogda thinks "oh, this won't be too bad, there only 2 sizes to big, I'll be cool." But no, the super big waist coupled with the super short legs proves to be just plain ridiculous looking. If Bogda walks fast, the pants fall down. If Bogda sits, the pant cuffs hit mid-shin. Good news is, she packed a belt. Bad news is, even with the belt, she looks like a jackass. Bogda hates her closet doors.